So, to make sure no one else makes the imperative mistake of unknowingly letting their dad become the drug kingpin of the west, here are ten signs your dad may be a drug lord!
In college, his Chemistry team won a Nobel Prize.
Your dad is obviously super smart when it comes to compounds and chemical reactions. There’s no way he’d let all that talent go to waste on some high school kids!
All his new friends aren’t much older than you.
In fact, his main BFF is the same guy who sells weed to all your friends. He’s also the same guy who gave you a swirly after detention and called you a “bitch”.
The sleazy criminal lawyer pictured on bus stop benches is always calling.
At first, it only seemed like annoying solicitations…
He worked at a carwash for extra cash. Now, he OWNS the carwash.
Most fathers would do anything to provide for their family, even if it means taking up an extra part time job washing cars. When dad announces the next day that he owns the carwash, providing for the family is no longer the only stake at hand…
He winds up naked at a grocery store with no recollection of the past few days.
Don’t let your dad get away with the excuse of mental illness and not remembering what happened in the desert. Showing up naked at the grocery store? Oldest trick in the book!
Your mom wants to divorce him but never signs the papers.
Your dad moved out and divorce is now a hot topic. Strangely enough, the divorce never happens. Of course not! Dad’s worth millions – he’s the lunatic, not your mom!
You find bags of money in the attic… and the crawl space… and the dryer.
Tedious household chores have transformed into treasure hunts that can put the Publishers Clearing House to shame! Though a major warning sign, feel free to let this one play out for a while before you confront your drug lord dad.
For your 16th birthday he gives you a brand new Dodge Challenger.
Again, your dad used to wash cars for extra cash, and now this? Did he also put a sign on the front lawn saying, “Home of the Almighty Drug Lord”?
There’s a recent spike in Mexican drug cartel hitmen in your neighborhood.
Uh, yeah… those aren’t gardeners…
His ringtone is Carly Rae Jepsen’s, “Call Me Maybe”.
“Hey, I just met you,
and meth is crazy,
but I need money,
so call me, maybe?”
Common theme song amongst many drug lords…
Finally, if after those 10 signs you’re still just as clueless as poor Walt Jr., simply take a look at your dad and decide for yourself.
If your dad went from looking like this:
To looking like this:
…HE’S A DRUG LORD!
