InsecurityIn perhaps one of the greatest paradoxes of all time, actors feign security while playing a role, yet seem to lack it in their personal lives. Mind you, this is a gross generalization, but it's not difficult to understand why this is oft the case. Actors are told "no" on a consistent basis and are judged on way more than just their talent. No wonder they break their backs playing other people. It keeps them from having to chant, "I like myself, I'm worth a lot," in the mirror.
Work, Work, Work
I've been on dates with a few actors at different stages in their careers, but the conversation was always the same. Acting is all actors talk about. That, and themselves, which I guess is the same thing. Like a football jock who lives, eats and breathes pigskin, actors can't get their minds off their next role, which translates to a lot of yawning, eye-rolling and kill-me-now boredom on your part -- behind his back, of course. And think again if you actually plan on getting some words in yourself.
The Camera Adds Ten Pounds...
There's a string of words I never want to hear a man say: "Honey, do these jeans make my ass look fat?" It's great to be health conscious, but when a man exercises 'round the clock and inhales a Triscuit and half a grape and calls it a meal, you've got yourself a problem.
Mistaken Identity
Just because an actor has finished a role doesn't mean he's done with the part. I went out with a cheeky and jaded actor who, in a bipolar fit of rage intended to exemplify his so-called brilliance, referred to himself as a Black Panther. Um, no, sweetheart. You just played one on the big screen. Which leads me to my next point...
On the Richter Scale of Crazy...
Charlie Sheen, Christian Bale, Alec Baldwin. We've all heard their antics and tantrums, both on and off set. For whatever reason, creative types tend to be more eccentric than your average person. And by eccentric, I mean crazy, and you can't exactly win with crazy. So, if an actor tries to step to you, save yourself the trouble by chucking up the deuces and running for the hills.
*[Editor's Note: The opinions of the author are not necessarily the opinions of Comediva. If you are an actor, or Christian Bale, please do not throw cupcakes at us. Actually, please do, but only cupcakes.]
