A Girl’s Guide to Summer Grilling

Summertime!  Isn’t it time to dust off the grill, fire it up, and get to cookin’!?  Unfortunately, it’s not THAT simple — especially if you’re a girl who’s slightly intimidated by fire and who doesn’t know where to begin when it comes to handling copious amounts of meat.

To help, we’ve prepared a girl’s guide to grilling to make sure your summer isn’t full of burnt wieners and charcoal dust!

Step 1: Get a grill!

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Doesn’t look too scary, right? Photo: Walmart.com

There’s an overwhelming array of grills to choose from, but don’t be scared. We recommend a standard, small charcoal grill. There’s less chance of that blowing up in your face AND you’ll look super cute crouching down next to it while you cook — aww! Plus, it’s not like you have a family to feed, or even a ton of friends. Keep it simple & affordable, girl!

Step 2: Light it up!

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The key to starting your grill is lighter fluid! Sure, there’s an art to stacking and arranging charcoal but it also gets your hands super dirty and covered in soot! Carefully pour a layer of coals into the grill, shower them with lighter fluid, toss in a lighted match and take cover. In about 25 minutes, the flames should die down and the grill will be ready!

Step 3: Buy a lot of meat.

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This step depends exclusively on your personal taste. Ground beef patties, veggie burgers, kosher dogs; all are welcome and encouraged on the grill! Let your imagination run wild! Uncommon but delicious is grilled romaine lettuce — just be sure and add the dressing AFTER it’s off the grill.

Step 4: Cocktails.

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This step may seem irrelevant to the grilling process, but IT’S NOT! You NEED a drink in your hand while you cook on a grill. Don’t ask why.

Step 6: GRILL!

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Once you have succeeded in all the preparations, it’s finally time to place your food on the grill and watch the magic! Your patties will shrink and your wieners may shrivel, but it’s all part of the grilling process. Once the food starts looking crispy, it’s done! Carefully set down your beverage, and transfer your meats onto a serving tray.

Step 7: Dress up Your Meat!

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Photo: Bonappetit.com

Just like a food fashion show, be sure to show off your meat by fitting them into buns and dressing them with all the latest condiments. When your burgers and dogs are looking glammed up and too big to fit in your mouth, you’ll know you have succeeded.

Step 8: Eat!

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So that’s how you’re supposed to do it.

If at this point, you haven’t already ditched the grill for a diner, and are still sober enough to eat without hurling, go ahead and indulge in your food, girl! You deserve it!

Step 9: Maintenance?

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Finally, be sure to properly care for and clean your grill after each use to ensure you’ll have a long summer full of grilled, delicious meaty treats! Throw out used charcoal, scrape grease off of the grill rack, buy more lighter fluid…

Step 10: Unwillingness.

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Find a Summer boyfriend instead.


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About the author

Lisa Wyczesany

Lisa was born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago where she developed an early admiration of deep dish pizza, sausage, and Da Bears. Shortly after graduating from DePaul University, she decided to pack up and drive across the country to live in LA with her boyfriend and his two friends - because that's what responsible, educated, sensible women do. When Lisa isn't writing & performing comedy, analyzing television shows, or attempting to stay in shape, she spends her time emailing her mother all the reasons why she should still love her. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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