Source: Free-ChristmasWallpapers.blogspot.comDid you know that at Christmas you get REAL presents?! Like, expensive presents that you actually wanted. Instead of 8 nights of shitty gifts (like socks with menorahs on them), you get one or two fantastically decadent items you've been wishing for (like a complete bartending set)! Thanks, Christmas!
Source: KakiskyDid you know that at Christmas you're supposed to buy as much shiny and craft-centric shit as possible and put it all over a tree?! You're actually SUPPOSED to make the Christmas tree look like a disco ball -- that is the actual goal of Christmas-tree-decorating! Not only that, but you're COMMANDED to make garland out of fruit loops! Like, they MAKE YOU! 'Cause it's supposed to look like a kid put it together (but actually YOU put it together)! That's the point! 'Cause Christmas just wants you to be a happy, carefree kid again! (Hanukkah just wants you to be an old angry man, bummed about mistreated Maccabis and missing oil... double lame).
Did you know that at Christmas you make cookies for Santa and leave carrots for the reindeer? But then you take a bite out of the cookies and carrots so it's like Santa and his reindeer actually came but they didn't come, it was just you? See?! You get to play all the characters at Christmas!
Did you know that at Christmas you get to trick people into making out with you by hanging a shrub over your doorway?! It's called "mistletoe," and if someone walks under it, they have to make out with you! They don't have a choice! Even if it's the ex who hates you or your sister's new boyfriend -- they have to kiss you! 'Cause it's Christmas and nobody wants to be a CHRISMAS GRINCH!
In conclusion, do not let Jewish children near or around Christmas. Seriously, if they know how good this shit is at four years old, there's no hope of getting them to learn Torah and suffer through Hanukkah. No hope at all.
