A Very Game of Thrones Musical

Can’t get enough of Game of Thrones? Worry not, we’ve brought the Seven Kingdoms to off-off-off-Broadway!

The following are selected songs from the production:

Curtain opens.

A direwolf yip signals the start of our play.

The stage bears sigils of each of the Seven Kingdoms; the very kingdoms that are scarred and torn by the travesty of war.

The only way our players can truly cope with their grief and strife is through the magic of song, which all too often is silenced by the plagues of bloodshed.

♦♦♦

Scene 3.5, wherein the wrong King Joffrey shows Sansa the piked head of Ned Stark.

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Sansa: “On the Ledge of Justice”

It’s hard to feel the rush
To push the dangerous
I’m gonna run right into you, over the ledge with you
Where you can just fall over and die.

You’re on the ledge of justice
And I’m hanging on a moment of ruth
Out on the ledge of justice
Gonna push you off, and that’s the truth
You’re on the ledge
The ledge
The ledge
The ledge
The ledge
The ledge
The ledge
You’re on the ledge of justice
And I’m hanging on a moment of ruth
Hound hold me back, would you?

♦♦♦

Scene 3.7, wherein dragon triplets are born from ashes.

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Daenerys: “Dragon Babies”

All the dragon babies, all the dragon babies
All the dragon babies, all the dragon babies
All the dragon babies, all the dragon babies
All the dragon babies

Now put ya’ hands up
Dothrakis in the club, just broke up, doing our own little thing
Decided to step, and now you wanna trip
‘Cause some dragon babies were born unto me

♦♦♦

Scene 3.1, wherein Jon Snow slinks off to The Wall.

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Jon Snow: “Somebastard ft. Ghost”

Now I’m just a bastard that you used to know

Ghost:

Woof

♦♦♦

Scene 1.2, wherein Cersei and Jaime bang each other before getting interrupted by one Bran Stark.

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Cersei and Jaime in unison: “We Found Incest”

Yellow hairdos in the light
And we’re banging tryin’ to hide
As Bran Stark witnesses us
What it takes to maim a kid

We found love in an incestuous place
We found love in an incestuous place
We found love in an incestuous place
We found love in an incestuous place

♦♦♦

Scene 3.5, wherein Joffrey hears rumors about his birthright.

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Joffrey: “Rumor Has It [Uncle: Father, Mother: Aunt, Too]“

It, it ain’t true
My Uncle Jaime isn’t my father, too
He’s not my father
You and I have ambition, or don’t you remember?
Sure, y’all Did It lots, but, mother, that’s only legal in West Virginia

Kill all the babies, the king was such a huge slut
They’ll make a fool out of me and, mom, it’s bringing me down
He made your heart melt and you’re cold to the core
Now rumor has it all these little babies must die.

Rumor has it

♦♦♦

Scene 2.4, wherein Yorin cuts off Arya’s hair.

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Arya: “Stark’s Child”

I’m a survivor
I’m not gon’ give up
I got my hair cut
I’m gon’ work harder
I’m a survivor
I’m gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin’

♦♦♦

Scene 2.6, wherein Tyrion Lannister gets a blowjob from a prostitute.

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Tyrion: “Big Impin’”

Uhh, uh, uh, uh
It’s big impin’, baby.
It’s big impin’, baby, spending Gold Dragons.
Feel me uh-huh uhh uh-huh
Ge-ge-geyeah, geyeah
Ge-ge-geyah, geyeah

♦♦♦

Scene 3.9, wherein Bran serenades Hodor:

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Bran: “Without Hodor [ft. Hodor ]“

I can’t stand, I can’t roam
I will never win this game
Without you, without you

I am lost, I am lame.
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

Hodor: “Hodor”

It’s like Hodor, Hodor, Hodor yeeeeah.
Like Hodor Hodor Hodor. x20 


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About the author

Kristen Bobst and Vickie Toro

A native of Jacksonville, Florida, Kristen Bobst grew up a tomboy with two brothers, several unruly pets, and an overactive imagination. After surviving four years of Gossip Girl-style antics at a ritzy private high school, Kristen went on to the University of Florida (Go Gators!). Due to an uncanny Oscar Wilde obsession, she then traveled to Dublin to study Anglo-Irish Literature at Trinity College. While overseas, she spent much time staying in seedy hostels and carousing with the locals. To this day, Kristen cannot convert Fahrenheit to Celsius without the use of a scientific calculator. Kristen recently completed the University of Southern California’s MFA program in Screenwriting. She still has an overactive imagination and several unruly pets. Comediva writer and performer Vickie Toro graduated from USC with degrees in I Don’t Know How to Do Practical Things Like Math and Maybe I Should’ve Listened to My Mother (i.e. Cinema-Television Critical Studies and Narrative Studies). She spends her time thinking about deep things, getting distracted by not-deep things, and then gigglesnorting. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

View all articles by Kristen Bobst and Vickie Toro

1 comment

  1. gensgitsch

    Check it out:
    Game of Thrones Musical: Hear Me Roar – A Lannister Song, based on Grease 8Summer Nights)

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