BONJOUR STAR WARS!

Lyrics by Erika Cervantes

(A Parody of "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast)

LEIA
Help me, Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope...
I’ve said it before, but not in song...
They’re too short to be Stormtroopers. Is this some Imperial plot....?

SNOW WHITE
Bonjour!

JASMINE
Greetings!

ARIEL
You’re here!

ALADDIN
Hey there!

MICKEY
(Darth Vader Force-chokes him mid-welcome)
Welcome--ahhhhh!!!

LEIA
There goes Darth Vader, he’s Force-choking Mickey
Obi-Wan wants to train Mulan.
None of the Princesses have guns, their hair is not in buns.
I have a bad feeling about this!

DISNEY PRINCESSES
Look there she is, that brazen, strange new princess
Does she have bagels in her hair?

ALADDIN
Never misses any shots.

JASMINE
But her temper’s fiery hot.

DISNEY CHARACTERS
No denying she’s a strange princess, that Leia.

C-3PO
Bonjour!
Good day!
I’m C-3PO.
(to Jasmine)
Salam!
(to Mulan)
Ni hao!
I’ll help translate!

OBI-WAN
My Pad-awan!

MULAN
My name’s Mula-an.

LEIA
Someone get this walking carpet outta my way!
 
DISNEY CHARACTERS
Look there she goes, that girl is so peculiar.
I heard she kissed her brother once.

LEIA
(dialogue, interjects)
Just once!

LUKE
(dialogue, interjects)
We didn’t know!

DISNEY PRINCESSES
With a sword made out of light.
Seems that Yoda might be right.
He’s not like other shining knights, that Luke!

LUKE
(dialogue, interjects)
Jedi. I’m a Jedi. Like my father before me!

LEIA
Ohhhh! Why are we all singing?
I’d much prefer a blaster fight!
(re: Mickey)
Who is that ugly Ewok?
If he’s anything like Wicket, he probably bites...

DISNEY CHARACTERS
Now, it’s no wonder she’s an angry princess....

YODA
...Daddy issues, she does have!

ARIEL
Daddy issues aren’t that weird, all the parents are dead here.
Not so different from the rest of us.

LEIA
I’m nothing like the rest of you!

ARIEL
You’ve worn a metal bikini too!

HAN SOLO
(dialogue break)
And she looked damn hot in it.

HAN SOLO
Before Darth Vader froze me stiff in carbonite, she said, “I love you,” I said, “I know.”
‘Cause Lando sold me out. What the hell was that about?
(to Leia)
You can keep your damn rebellion, Your Highness!

DISNEY PRINCESSES
(re: Han)
Look there he goes, an odd Prince Charming.
That roguish grin is disarming!

JASMINE
He’s so my type, my diamond in the rough.

LEIA
Back off, that scruffy Nerf Herder is mine!

HAN SOLO
(dialogue)
Maybe I could fit in here.  My best friend IS an animal.

ARIEL / JASMINE / SNOW WHITE
(fawning, dialogue)
Tooootally.

MICKEY
(dialogue)
Oh boy!

YODA
(dialogue)
Size matters not.

FANBOY
(dialogue)
I have a very bad feeling about this.

FANGIRL
(dialogue)
I find your lack of faith disturbing.

FANGIRL
(sings)
At least
We get
Episode 7!
And George
Lucas
isn’t at the helm!

LUKE / OBI-WAN
(duet!)
May the Force
be with you!

MICKEY
(in Fantasia outfit)
Look, I’m a wizard!

LEIA
Help me, Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope!

CAPTAIN AMERICA
(with Snow White on his arm)
Trust me, eventually, you’ll learn to cope!

ALL
Droids, mermaids, Jedi all living together
May the Force be with each one of us!

DISNEY PRINCESSES
(still fawning over Han)
We can learn to co-exist...

LEIA
If I rule with an iron fist!

DISNEY CHARACTERS
‘Cause she really is a strange princess...

STAR WARS CHARACTERS
This really is a funny world...

DISNEY CHARACTERS / STAR WARS CHARACTERS
‘Cause she really is a strange princess / This really is a funny world...

ALL
Leia!