Turn up the John Williams and set your wand-mode to Lumos, it’s time for some geek sex role-playing!
Contrary to popular belief, we geeks have needs, too. We aren’t always so vocal about it, choosing to keep our freakiness a secret ’til just the right moment, when even the most epic of multiple nerdgasms can’t satiate, but one thing’s for sure: geeks know what they like, and when we like something, or when something stirs the Balrog within, there’s no telling just how quickly we’ll zip straight to the parsack.
Star Wars
You: Millennium Falcon
Your Partner: Chewbacca
Scenario: An Imperial ship is chasing you down the Kessel Run. But, oh no! The light-speed’s bugging out again, and the ship’s technician has to get all up in there to take care of business. Even (and especially) if it means chewbaccing through some wires (aka candy underwear).
Battlestar Galactica
You: Kara “Starbuck” Thrace
Your Partner: Dr. Gaius Baltar
Scenario: For those who like it rough. Now, Baltar has sex with just about everyone who has a line, and what Starbuck wants, Starbuck gets, so the bottom line is: have at it.
Star Trek
You: Mr. Spock
Your Partner: Captain Kirk
Scenario: Set your phasers to sexy — it’s gonna get all energized up in hurr. You’re a highly logical being, not usually susceptible to animalistic human urges, but Kirk’s complementary charm and laidbackness are irresistible. Opposites attract, and, after a brief, heated argument about the next step in a dangerous rescue mission, you finally give in to your human side. And, let’s face it, them ears look primed for a little foreplay.
Harry Potter
You: Nagini
Your Partner: Voldemort
Scenario: Voldemort wants to make you his horcrux. AKA Get inside you.
Lord of the Rings
You: Eowyn
Your Partner: Arwen
Scenario: Screw Aragorn and his indecisiveness: who needs men? Especially a guy with so much baggage? It starts out with the two of you giving each other the steely eye, but you’re curious: what does Aragorn see in her, anyway? What can she do? You have to find out for yourself.
Alternative:
You: Gandalf
Your Partner: Saruman
Scenario: Two words: Angry Sex. Third word: Staffs.
The Hunger Games
You: Haymitch
Your Partner: Effie
Scenario: Both of you have paid your dues, and both of you are vessels of secret Awesome. Your experience in the Games left you with a major case of PTSD, however, and Effie’s unfailing peppiness is the only sunny spot on the horizon. But even Effie has her downs. In a moment of insurmountable stress, brought about by Peeta’s weakening condition, you find each other. I mean, what were Haymitch and Effie really doing while the District 12 kids were in the arena?
Mass Effect
You: Commander Shepard
Your Partner: Liara
Scenario: Make it a fun “choose your own adventure” type deal. Your partner asks you a question and gives you a couple of possible answers. Answer correctly, and you advance in your mission. Into Liara’s pants.
Skyrim
You: Dragon
Your Partner: Their choice
Scenario: Level-up your rod and get your dragonborn partner thu’uming long into the night.
