Every year when October rolls around, you spot the tell-tale signs of impending ghosts and ghouls on the horizon, ahem, Halloween, that is. The pumpkins come out to get jacked, the Party City costume commercial set to the tune of “Thriller” plays on every channel, and you can’t get away from pumpkin-flavored everything, even if you tried — but why would you try? Pumpkin’s sooo delish!
All of these signs also give you the warm fuzzies because you know exactly what time it is… Hocus Pocus time, witches! That’s right, if you grew up in the ‘90s, there’s nothing more satisfying than watching Hocus Pocus in the month of October, preferably October 31st, if you’re a die-hard fan.
Why is it the best Halloween movie ever? Because I said so, damn it. So, sit back, relax, and let me… put a Hocus Pocus spell on you… muahahahaha!
1) ‘90s Children’s Films Rock
Okay, perhaps I’m a little biased here, but from what I can remember, children’s movies from the ‘90s were badass. They came at a time when girls wore jelly sandals and played hopscotch for fun, instead of wearing booty shorts and twerking on camera for funsies. So, innocence. Movies at that time captured the innocence of childhood, and even the spooky movies had plenty of “cheese” on ‘em, to make them plenty digestible. Plus, Max wore a tie-dye shirt, and carried a hippie girl backpack. Awesome.
2) Sarah Jessica Parker Before Sex and the City
Remember when SJP was just SJP, and not Carrie Bradshaw? I sure do! Because she played one of the best witches ever: Sarah. Sure, Bradshaw was her best role ever, but Sarah is most definitely a close second. She was so not afraid to get as silly as she wanted to get with this character, something we never really saw again post-SATC. Plus, did you notice her boobs in that corset? Carrie Bradshaw, eat your heart out… before Sarah does.
3) Bette Midler, Need We Say More?
Bette Midler is a treasure. Am I right? You gotta love her as the lovable wicked witch you hate to hate. If I have to be honest, Midler makes this movie. That ridiculous makeup and hair. Those buck-teeth. That “makes you want her as your real-life nemesis” witchy accent. All of it, cheesy ‘90s brilliance.
4) That Witchy, Witchy, Witch Walk
The Sanderson Sisters are witches you love to love. They’re just so happy! In a creepy, funtastic sort of way that makes you feel all the happy feels. When they cast a spell that leads to certain death, you just don’t care because look at how adorable they were while casting it! They’re kind of a Halloween-y, female version of the Three Stooges, and who doesn’t love some Stooges? Plus, don’t we all love that witchy walk they do as a trio? Skirts hitched, side to side steps, and hunting faces on? Yep.
Also, we could all learn a lesson in perseverance and overcoming obstacles from these three. “You’re burning us at the stake? Who cares! We’ll be back in 300 years to murder all your children!”
5) Zombies Are Our Friends
Billy Butcherson scored one for Zombies everywhere. In his portrayal of Billy, he created a place in all of our hearts for good zombies. Not like most of the crud out there today, portraying zombies as mindless, brain-eaters who will rip you apart limb-by-limb. Here’s to you, Billy, and your dream of emancipating zombies everywhere!
6) I Put a Spell On You
Yes, yes you did, ladies. The Sanderson Sisters’ rendition of “I Put a Spell On You” is scrumptious. It makes you want to get up and dance, until you die. It just gets you in the right mood for Halloween cheer, and who doesn’t enjoy a little Halloween cheer, ay?