Hollywood is full of lies, lies! Here’re a few movie tropes that have not once happened to me in real life.
1) How to Make Someone Love Me in Two Easy Steps:
Step 1: Take off glasses.
Step 2: Let hair down.
Bonus Step: Ask them if they prefer a fall or a spring wedding.
Yeah, OK, it’s a fantastic notion that the love of your life can be hiding under some faux lenses and a banana clip, but I’ve tried this six times in front of Ryan Gosling’s house, and all it’s gotten me is restrained.
2) Awesome Montages That Speed Through the Lame Parts:
Oh, the montage. What’s not to love about this well-oiled Hollywood machine? Real life needs a Montage button. Preparing for a 5k, but don’t really want to spend all that time working out before you’re ready? Montage it! Do about three sit-ups, run up a couple stairs, drink some water, and look really sweaty, all while some killer music plays in the background, then boom! You’re totally ready to kick some ass.
3) Spontaneous Dance Sequences:
Not one time have I ever been a part of a spontaneous dance sequence. You’ve seen these, so you know what I’m talking about. Maybe you’re at a party, and it’s your big defining moment in life, like you’ve just gone up against the town hall to overturn the law against dancing, and even though you lost, you really won, because now you’re at a party. So, you start to dance and within seconds everyone’s out on the floor, and you’re all dancing in sync, no practice, and there’s confetti and bowties and velvet tuxedoes. OK, maybe I just want real life to be more like Footloose, but whatevs.