How to Seduce a Geeky Girl

Geeks are an interesting breed, as they are not necessarily drawn in by stereotypical assets (including, but not limited to, buff arm muscles, perfectly fitted button-ups, fancy dinners, George Clooney, and lots of money). A member of this unique female species is not to be treated like your average hot chick, and you must take precautionary steps to lure her in. Don’t worry overgrown Frathead, I’ve created the following Dummy Guide just for you.

MOVIE NIGHT

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The next time you notice that cute Geekster who’s always Facebook posting about the next Peter Jackson movie (that won’t be out for another eight years so you’re not really sure what all the hype is about), invite her over for a movie. Anything other than a fantasy-based flick is unacceptable. Geeks love fantasy (probably because there’s often a lack of gravity, which allows people to fly at great speeds). Try picking a film that has the word “labyrinth” in the title — something like Pan’s Labyrinth or THE Labyrinth. If those are unavailable for illegal download, or you refuse to watch anything with subtitles, any movie that involves teleporting will do. Even the mere discussion of teleportation is the equivalent of hardcore foreplay for a geek.

*Whatever you do, DO NOT reference geeks from pop culture hits (like Rachel Leigh Cook in She’s All That). This will immediately isolate and confine your Geek, making her feel typical and misunderstood — the same way she felt in her 8th grade gym class thanks to that stupid bitch Katie Larson. Besides, why is everyone chugging so much hatorade on ponytails?

ROMANTIC GESTURES

90scandy_070912Avoid romantic clichés like chocolate. Geeks are drawn in by specificity. Depending on your sexy Spiderman-lover’s food allergies, you’ll probably be safe going with something that was popular in the ’90s like Dippin Dots, Pop Rocks, or Space Ice Cream! And instead of sending her a bouquet of flowers (which will die in four days, and are also kind of a pain in the ass to maintain because you have to change the water so your vase doesn’t get all gross and moldy, and then you just throw them in the trash anyway), surprise your nerd-bird with a cute and cuddly Muppet! (Geeks LOVE Muppets!) Plus, they’re not disposable, so even if your date goes totally sour patch tongue, you’ll have left a permanent impression, kind of like your roommate’s butt imprints on your living room sofa.

THE BEDROOM

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While dimly lit candles and five bottles of champagne may work on your average Gina, those overused moves are useless when it comes to your Geek girl (who’s probably more passionate about Battlestar Galactica than you are about getting your d**k sucked). When you and your Geek are ready to take it to the next level, try creating an interactive theme night that includes challenges and prizes. For example, after a night of virtual cosplay, lead your lady to the bedroom by navigating your way through a sheet fort — the winner gets to frak the loser all night long. See? Everybody wins.

*If you don’t know what “frak” means, use your imagination.

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Next: Frumpy and Geeky Flirting, Realized.


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Kosha Patel

I have no regrets...except for that time I got a bowl cut. See more Kosha at http://youtube.com/koshadelhi

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14 comments

  1. Noah Mclellan

    I’m just putting it out there, I am a construction worker, and was a frat guy in Uni, But also a huge geek and very proud of the fact right down to my steampunk safety glasses, I date a wide verity of women based on their personality and whether or not we click, a comment like fratheads should stick to their own kind is kinda narrow minded. I mean yeah I’m in good shape, yeah I was in a frat, and yes I’m not bad looking.. But I’m not a bad guy, and I’m not a meathead. I finished university with 3.8 gpa and write fan fiction etc.. please don’t box us all in as a**holes.

  2. THE Geek Goddess

    @ odjit- AMEN, sister!!!!
    I am affectionately referred to as the “geek goddess”, I’ve wanted to be Catwoman since I was eight and I think this was a crude stereotype of “geek girls”. Every girl is unique, you need to meet her individual wants and needs. There shouldn’t be a “How to..” pick-up guide for any type of girl. If you want a mindless fuck doll, just wait until android sex slaves become available…. that is all.

  3. Shaw

    Actually the key to picking up Geek Girls is the same as picking up other girls. Learn what her interests are and spin your gestures, dates, etc into those interests. Doesn’t matter if it ‘s a geek girl you take to Comic-Con or a clothes-whore you take to a fashion show, you just have to tailor things to their interests.

    It’s not that difficult, but you actually have to pay attention and make a little effort. Well worth it if you get the hot geek-next-door to play Han Solo and Slave Leia with you.

  4. DontBlink

    Though I am a geek female, I’m not interested in gentlemen whether they are of the frat variety or not. However, if I was, this would be spot on for me.

    … actually it’s still spot-on for me.

  5. danny

    I think ur completely wrong, geeky girls are the same as any other girls they just have better taste and are better educated, but i think am living in the wrong place tbh, what id really like is a girl to be excited to come see the new spiderman movie with me,or force me to camp out when a new game gets released!! Or be head over heals when u surprised them with comic con tickets :(

  6. Wendy

    I like chocolates and flowers! Geek girls still have all the requisite parts, we just have broader imaginations and interests than our plastic sisters. AND we’re usually smart enough to stay away from the muscle-bound fratheads. (Igniting your personal methane production is not funny… srsly.)

  7. Beth C

    Okay, so some of this stuff is true. Being a girl that’s completely into history, languages, science, LOTR, fantasy, comics, time travel(DW) etc., I can be considered a ‘geek girl’ I suppose. However, we’re not entirely different! Sure, I’d watch Batman or Thor and I’m excited about The Hobbit 2 years in advance, but that’s not all in which i’m interested. I’d love a Minecraft T-shirt/Doctor Who figure, but cute chocolates or a necklace would be nice too… We’re still girls. Anyway, I prefer geeky boys to meat heads(Also English, I think that’s our equivalent)… My current boyfriend plays Minecraft, Halo and Portal with me until the early hours of the morning, we can chat about comics, watch DW or BTTF together all evening, but in the end we still enjoy making out like a normal couple(the sheets thing is a good idea, but not for the first time… Keep it simple!), or going out for walks etc. Also, he’ll still treat me like a normal girl. I am a geek, it’s my most prominent characteristic, but that’s not all I am. Anyway, interesting article, very well written, just thought I’d respond accordingly.

  8. Quin

    All I know is that Geek Girls are the only type for me!
    They’re smart, funny and quirky (if not, then they’re not geeky).

    As for the fratheads (or whatever… I’m English so I don’t use such a phrase), I can usually beat them just because I am that good (also, it does help that I am taller than most of those type of guys I know).
    Either way, no challenge for me :-D

    Only problem is that they seem to be a rarity around my parts…

  9. JWS

    The frat boys should stick to their own kind, because, as they put it on eHarmony, “Opposites attract, and then they attack.” Plus, we geek guys have ENOUGH trouble trying to find a girlfriend, without the face-men taking them all…..

  10. Lola88

    Im Proudly a Female Geek.
    And for me this whole article is bang on.
    For me, if the man is interested in what i “Geek out” on, then wahey ten points we have something in common, but if not then why care. Its not always about having things in common, Id much prefer to have the xbox all to myself (instead of straining my eyes on split screen) while my man watches Football all night. Aslong as you find that common ground your both comfortable sharing then all is right in the world.
    And the sheet fort idea is brilliant!

    Now time to hunt down my own Mr Grey and see what happens!!

  11. odjit

    i’m a geek girl and i disagree with a lot of what is written here. seriously? we’re not our own breed. just a little different. if a guy treated me like being a geek was all he knew about me and he didn’t even know what i geek out over (i would want to watch batman), he wouldn’t get anywhere. getting a geek is about knowing her.

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