But, I think Delores Santangeli, frozen yogurt, and I would be best buds. I mean, I’ve gotten in fights with upscale salespeople before, but usually not when sober. And think about it: the types of foods craved by pregnant women and drunks aren’t really all that different, so we could eat fried chicken and pickles together until we burst. Besides, I really need a designated driver friend (Lucille doesn’t count; she’s a fuckin’ buzzkill), and Delores looks like she really knows how to shake that baby-maker at the clubs.
Watch the series for more of Delores’ unusually strong birth canal, and appearances by the majority of the SNL cast! They know the non-Pabst and beer nuts route to my heart.
For the record, if my beer belly had a baby inside it, it’d be Captain Morgan’s — that guy is a scraggly fox. But not Jack Daniels, he comes off as kind of a douche.