Klingon Staring Contest

Let’s face it: Klingons — with their perpetually furrowed brows, deep code of ethics, and general no-nonsense attitude — are totally badass.  Think you’re hardcore?  What better way to test your mettle than to find out how long you’d last in a staring contest with a Klingon. 

Honor is everything to Klingons, so NO cheating!  Remember: as the ancient Klingon saying goes, “Yay chavlu’ ‘e’ bajnISlu!”

STARTREKpulines 18
 
 
1.  What do you normally eat for breakfast? 



a) Half of a sliced peach.  I’m watching my figure. 

b) I like muesli and cran-apple juice. 
c) A smoothie in the morning does the trick for me. 
d) I spice my Lucky Charms with the blood of my enemies. 

2.  How heavy is your monthly flow? 

a) Ewww.  You’re gross. 

b) It’s moderate. 
c) I wish tampons were cheaper. 
d) Nonexistent.  I vanquished it with Seasonique.

3.  How do you feel about rough sex? 

a) I’m saving myself for marriage. 

b) Light spanking is okay. 
c) Variety’s the spice of life! 
d) The answer to that lies within my sex dungeon.

4.  What are your thoughts on MTV’s Jersey Shore. 

a) OMG, I love it.  I’m watching it right now. 

b) Vinny’s all right, I guess. 
c) Why are they even on T.V.? 
d) I wish to do battle with Snooki.

5.  How handy are you with a Bat’leth? 

a) Is that like ballet? 

b) I’m awesome at ultimate Frisbee. 
c) My Krav Maga instructor says I show potential. 
d) Seven Romulans just met their deaths at the edge of my Bat’leth. 

Klingon-staring-contest_ribbed

 
If you answered:

Mostly A“:
 Two seconds.  For shame. 


Mostly B:
 You’d survive for exactly three minutes.  Not too shabby. 


Mostly C:
 Five to ten minutes.  Congrats, you earn bragging rights! 


Mostly “D:
 Hot damn.  You ARE a Klingon!  You bring honor to your family!  
 
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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world's foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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