The dating scene on Earth is hard enough, but when you calculate in all those potential mates from every corner of the universe? Good luck! We at Comediva feel your pain, so we just had to share when we stumbled across these intergalactic personal ads.
Enterprise First Officer Seeks Women
Under this robe there's nothing but 100% unadulterated fun.
900-Year-Old SWM Seeks Companion
It's a grower, not a show-er.
...to travel through all of time and space in a blue wooden box (it's bigger on the inside, baby!). Must love soliloquies about the human race, think bow ties are cool. Turn offs: fear of aliens, heartbreaking season finale twists. Call me at +44-29-63TARDIS. My extra heart beats for you!
Me: Alien Xenomorph...
I just brushed! Gimme some tongue!
...looking to implant my children in your chest cavity. You: a blue-collar space miner who refuses to follow correct quarantine procedures. No practical jokers or strong female crewmembers able to survive by their wits and the seat of their pants, please. PO BOX 41986, Terraforming Colony LV-426
ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE
Look into my eye ... can't you see how much I want you?!
Charming SWM Pilot and Smuggler...
C'mon, you know you want me.
seeks haughty SWF space princess with lots of moxy, possibly a long lost twin brother who I can slowly come to admire and respect. Ties to the Rebel Alliance a plus. Must love dog-like humanoids. PO BOX 63477 The Millennium Falcon, Space
Jean-Luc Picard Seeks MILF
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard and I am looking for a MILF who is willing to "Engage" in nasty, un-Federation sanctioned monkey sex. All willing come to the Starship USS Enterprise-D, where my android will be handing out numbers and I will be rubbing it in the face of the bearded lothario shithead who calls himself my first officer.
Josie Campbell is a freelance writer and blogger; past work has included writing webseries for Warner Brothers as well as jokes for comedians such as Jay Mohr and Norm MacDonald. Check out her work at: www.cozyjamble.com