Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Intergalactic Personal Ads

Famous space hotties need love too! Where do John Crichton or Buck Rogers turn for some TLC? The Space Personals!
Josie Campbell Created by  Josie Campbell  
The dating scene on Earth is hard enough, but when you calculate in all those potential mates from every corner of the universe?  Good luck!  We at Comediva feel your pain, so we just had to share when we stumbled across these intergalactic personal ads.

Enterprise First Officer Seeks Women

riker
Under this robe there's nothing but 100% unadulterated fun.

I am a bearded, blue-eyed, ruggedly handsome Starfleet officer looking for love in all the wrong places of the galaxy. Responders must be female, and that's about it (will also take androgynous aliens). If you want adventure, romance, and don't mind putting up with the bald curmudgeon who runs my ship, write to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

900-Year-Old SWM Seeks Companion

doctor-who_tardis
It's a grower, not a show-er.

...to travel through all of time and space in a blue wooden box (it's bigger on the inside, baby!).  Must love soliloquies about the human race, think bow ties are cool.  Turn offs: fear of aliens, heartbreaking season finale twists.  Call me at +44-29-63TARDIS.  My extra heart beats for you!

Me: Alien Xenomorph...

xenomorph_1
I just brushed! Gimme some tongue!

...looking to implant my children in your chest cavity.  You: a blue-collar space miner who refuses to follow correct quarantine procedures.  No practical jokers or strong female crewmembers able to survive by their wits and the seat of their pants, please.  PO BOX 41986, Terraforming Colony LV-426

ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE

terminator_damaged
Look into my eye ... can't you see how much I want you?!

SEEKS THE MOTHER OF JOHN CONNOR.  MY INTERESTS INCLUDE FINDING THE MOTHER OF JOHN CONNOR, PROTECTING BOTH THE MOTHER OF JOHN CONNOR AND JOHN CONNOR, EMBARRASSING MYSELF BY HAVING SEX WITH HOUSEKEEPERS.  WRITE ME AT: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Charming SWM Pilot and Smuggler...

Han1_edited
C'mon, you know you want me.

seeks haughty SWF space princess with lots of moxy, possibly a long lost twin brother who I can slowly come to admire and respect. Ties to the Rebel Alliance a plus.  Must love dog-like humanoids.  PO BOX 63477 The Millennium Falcon, Space

Jean-Luc Picard Seeks MILF

picard_sexy
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard and I am looking for a MILF who is willing to "Engage" in nasty, un-Federation sanctioned monkey sex.  All willing come to the Starship USS Enterprise-D, where my android will be handing out numbers and I will be rubbing it in the face of the bearded lothario shithead who calls himself my first officer.

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Josie Campbell

Josie Campbell is a freelance writer and blogger; past work has included writing webseries for Warner Brothers as well as jokes for comedians such as Jay Mohr and Norm MacDonald. Check out her work at: www.cozyjamble.com

 

Website: www.cozyjamble.com

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