Morgan Freeman Is God

Morgan Freeman is a wily, young (okay, older) man.  Not only is he a talented actor, but he also has the smoothest voice to ever grace this earth.  So, how do you rank his best movies?  You trust your gut, your heart and your brain, because picking the best of Morgan is like picking out Sprinkles cupcakes.  YOU CANNOT PICK JUST ONE.

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5. BRUCE ALMIGHTY 
I actually saw this movie.  I was seeing a double feature where the price of one ticket gets you into the second movie for free.  I don’t remember the first movie, but I think it had either Paul Rudd or Mark Ruffalo in it.  One of those sensitive brown-haired actors who isn’t that cute, but because he’s in movies and seems nice becomes so cute.  But after said sensitive brown-haired movie, I stayed for Bruce Almighty, which might just be one of the worst movies ever made — a) it’s horrible and b) it spawned Evan Almighty.  But what saved this cringe-inducing flick from disaster (and from Jim Carrey’s face, which is only appropriate for playing the Grinch) is the fact that God was played by Morgan Freeman.  And that just felt right.  Who wouldn’t want to hang with Morgan up in heaven?  Who doesn’t believe he has the key to life?  “I’m the One.  The Divine Being.  Alpha and Omega.”  Okay, Morgan, I believe you!

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4. MARCH OF THE PENGUINS

This movie was good, right?  Penguins nesting and loving and having babies and struggling through the rough winter of the tundra?  Not to mention it was narrated by the acclaimed Mr. Freeman.  It even won the Oscar for best documentary (I think).  But full disclosure, I remember seeing this movie and being pissed.  I had just come off a bad birthday weekend/breakup (sounds fun, right?!) and I looked to the movies to distract me from my doom.  I wanted 40-Year-Old Virgin, but my friends wanted penguins.  My friends won.  Not to say it’s not an adorable movie (though did it have a subliminal pro-life message?), but c’mon, it IS NOT the comedy masterpiece that was 40-Year-Old Virgin, and I’m SORRY BUT watching a confused and tired penguin waddle off to his death does not cheer one up. So: wrong decision, friends, but good flick, Morgan.

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3. SEVEN

Ooooh soo creepy.  In other news, Brad Pitt is still hot and Gwyneth is still annoying.

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2. SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION 
I’ve rented this movie so many times.  I’ve watched parts of it on TV so many times.  And yet, I still have not seen it in its entirety.  BUT, judging by the reaction of everyone I tell this to (shock/anger), and everyone who then begins to quote the flick, I know that this is one bomb movie.  So I’ll put “Watch Shawshank Redemption” on my bucket list and hope to cry when I watch it.

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1. THE BUCKET LIST.
Now, maybe I’ve never seen this movie either, but I have seen the posters and good God they were glorious.  Who didn’t want to hang with Jack and Morgan as they joked, giggled, played M.A.S.H. and galloped into the sunset?  We’ve all grown up with Jack, a.k.a. the weird guy who dated women who were far too young for him and got unfortunately nude in that Diane Keaton movie and is always front and center at the Lakers games.  And, of course, we all know Morgan, a.k.a. the wisest man in America (I judge only from his film roles, not his personal life, which, based on the gossip magazines I’ve read, seems… strange).  So watching Jack and Morgan gallivant into their twilight years in The Bucket List is a pleasure few of us have actually seen, but one that all of us can hypothetically appreciate.  The phrase “bucket list” is now fully ingrained into the English vernacular, and it is not going away.  In fact, the term was just featured on an adorable episode of Parks and Recreation, so if that doesn’t qualify it to be Morgan Freeman’s best movie, I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL.

[sz-youtube url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohvc3iI4f2c” /]

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Rosa Handelman and Phoebe Neidhardt are ladies living, loving, strugglin' and shooting dice.

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