Joss Whedon, in some circles, is considered nothing short of a god. And like most gods, he is an enigma wrapped in a riddle; aka he probably has loads of secrets.
Well, today we are putting to use our super-sensitive secret-uncoverer skills to better get to know the man responsible for the best TV shows of all time.
Prepare yourselves. It’s about to get real.
1. Has weekly teas with Steven Moffat.
2. Another member of this tea party is Bufferus, the lesser known goddess of BAMFness.
3. Pre-writing ritual consists of throwing a dart at his Ideas That Will Make the World More Awesome board, downing a breakfast wrought from all kinds of ingredients with hard-to-pronounce names that amp up badass proteins and other bodily functions, and meditating so as to hear the prayers of fans the world over.
4. Speaking of: has supersonic hearing.
5. Writing-writing ritual consists of typing with one hand and fighting off the Temptations, Grossness, and Fatal Consequences of the Teen Paranormal Romance Genre with an unbeatable stake in the other.
6. Post-writing celebration includes developing a device that alters the underdeveloped consciences of writers of Teen Paranormal Romance, adding more ideas to the Ideas That Will Make the World More Awesome board, and spiking tea at some fancy shindig with Steven Moffat.
7. When his daughter was born, the doctor exclaimed, “IT’S A SLAYER.”
8. Both of his children are being closely monitored by world-renown neurologists and psychologists so as to determine the effects of “an overabundance of the Awesomeness Gene, as well as of being brought up by Joss Whedon.”
9. Writes original bedtime stories for his kids, each of which bears the moral, “WOMEN CAN BE BAMFS, TOO.”
10. Even his tween kids admit he’s “pretty cool.”
11. Scientists have declared the right side of his brain as “overwhelmingly genius,” and feel that with enough practice, he might be capable of telekinesis.
12. Didn’t tell scientists he is already telekinetic.
13. Because he’s also very modest.
14. Unabashedly subscribes to all feminist magazines. Including Bust: “the magazine for women with something to get off their chests.”
15. Cabin in the Woods is actually based on the innerworkings of his mind.
16. In that there is a crapton going on in there.
17. Doesn’t have a dominant hand; has the power to write with any part of his body, as he is the sole human being capable of using all sectors of his brain.
18. Can even write better than Stefenie Meyer with his belly button.
19. Turned down Moffat’s offer to collaborate, citing “actual fan mind-blowing would take effect.”
20. Always looking out for us.