The Beauty of Lesbianism

Apart from the homophobia, the stereotypes, the cohabitational menstrual-and-PMS-syncing, and the wildly inaccurate made-only-for-straight-dudes pornos in the world, there are actually quite a few perks that come with lesbianism — more specifically, lesbian relationships.

In honor of Comediva’s Beauty Week, I decided to break down the perks that deal specifically with fashion and, of course, beauty.

Make-Up
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Obviously, one perk of dating another woman is the chance to cut beauty costs in half by sharing, but here are some other specifics:

Mascara: The bane of every make-up wearer’s existence, application is made all the easier with another pair of eyes, as well as someone who might have some extra tips you’re not privy to. Moreover, any subsequent tear-jerking from accidental eye-poking is immediately remedied by some sweet lady kisses from someone who really understands your pain.

Lipstick: In my limited venture into cosmetics, I’ve learned a few things about lipstick: a.) you can match it to your outfit; b.) you can match it to your partner’s outfit; c.) sometimes they taste like candy, which is the best; d.) it gets everywhere. That said, one fun special lady-friend activity can be mixing and matching one another’s lipstick. And another fun special lady-friend activity can be melding two different colors together to create a whole new color!

And if each party dons her own color, or one prefers to avoid lipstick, color-coding cups and things around the apartment.

Also-also, if only one lady likes to wear lipstick, it’s best for that lady to use one that comes in fun flavors. I like chocolate and cherry. Everybody wins!

Eyeshadow: Again with the matching thing. I mean, we lesbians are known for basically becoming One with our significant other, so what better way to make bitter singletons all the more bitter than by walking in to a party where everyone knows you’re taken because the two of you both love blue eyeshadow/your girlfriend’s blue eyeshadow matches your blue skinny tie?!

Fashion

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Again, sharing is a major plus, especially in this economy, but is it really just about losing track of which wardrobe belongs to which lady?

Clothes: If both parties are femme, or butch, or tomboy, sharing clothes is pretty easy. If only one party is femme, and the other butch: a.) the femme lady gets the benefit of broadcasting her coupleness by borrowing her girlfriend’s button-down; b.) if a special black-tie work occasion rolls around, and the butch lady feels ill-equipped to satisfy her boss’s requirements, her special lady friend can always lend a hand and maybe a few outfit choices! Or, better yet, if said butch lady prefers to stick to her butch roots, again, a second pair of eyes can make the effort to Fancy Up all the easier.

Shoes: It’s in my experience that tomboys and butch women tend to wear way more comfortable shoes than femmes. I mean, I’m definitely closer to the tomboy side of things for precisely this reason: my seemingly permanent Waddle Strut renders all efforts to walk in heels futile. So basically, every now and then the “girlier” member of the relationship can borrow her lady friend’s comfy sneakers on days when platforms and heels just won’t do. When hiking, for example. We love hiking.

Grooming

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Achieving “proper” Lady Maintenance is no mean feat. The shaving, the spanxing, the tweezing… It all adds up. And who better to understand, completely, the trifles of going through those routines every day?

Probably the biggest plus of a lesbian relationship is the fact that both parties know and appreciate the most beautiful feeling in the world: getting home from work, throwing off those pantyhose and heels and dresses and/or fancy pants in exchange for potentially stained sweatpants and bra-lessness.  Ohhhhhh, yeahhhhhh.

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Never will a taken lady-lover hear something like: “Why don’t you dress up nice anymore? I miss when you did that. Would it kill you to spend an hour putting on copious amounts of makeup and walking around in the blister-inducing shoes that make your ass look so good all day?”

Instead, a lady-lover will more likely hear: “Hey, babe, it’s all good if all you wanna do is take your bra off for your own good and burn those hellish-looking shoes. Why don’t we donate them to Goodwill and snuggle to Imagine Me & You after?”


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About the author

Vickie Toro

Hi, friend! I'm Vickie Toro, and I'm Comediva's Social Media Manager, connecting your comedy-loving hearts with ours through all of your favorite social media addictions. I'm the lesbian in Lesbros, the creator and one of the writers of BAMF Girls Club, and the Frumpy Girl who commiserates with your Style Ineptness. I'm a Potterhead, water-dancer, and overall TV junky. Also sports movies make me cry.

Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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1 comment

  1. HappyP

    Now I want to be a lesbian. I want to have extra shoes available to me too!!!! And eyeshadow!!! Awesome, funny and enlightening article:)

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