The Real Housewives of Hogsmeade and Other Magic Reality TV Shows

If you think that regular reality TV is trashy and scandalous, check out some of the most outrageous, most spellbinding, and most accursed magical reality TV shows!

These are our favorites!

Avalon Shore

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What happens when you put a bunch of repressed magic folk from the Isle of Gramarye into an Avalonian beach house? Well, Lancelot and Guinevere — a.k.a “GWoww”– keep hogging the smoosh room, ticking off King Arthur; he develops rage issues. Morgan Le Fey and Merlin hook up while on break at the Shore Tabard Store; could it be love? Everyone’s favorite cast member, The Questing Beast, is perpetually schwasted on ale and brings home a new maiden, squire, or DTF dragon every night.

Update: The Questing Beast is rumored to be pregnant with a litter of triplets fathered by The Fisher King, Gawaine le Cœur-Hardy, and Gringolet.

The Real Housewives of Hogsmeade

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The Hogsmeade housewives wile way time by spewing black-catty remarks and witch-slapping each other. Tune in as The Three Broomsticks owner Madam Rosmerta succumbs to a mead addiction. Madam Puddifoot, who sells tea by day, gets her jollies by night by organizing house-elf-boxing matches in the backroom of the now defunct Zonko’s Joke Shop. Madam Scivenshaft is the racist prude of the bunch; she plots with the Death Eaters to have the HHOA (Hogsmeade Home Owners Association) fees increased in order to drive out the undesirable resident Squibs.

The Amazing Broomstick Race

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Starting in Narnia and ending in Oz, the Amazing Broomstick Race follows eleven teams of witches as they traverse magical kingdoms near and far in pursuit of the prize: a lifetime supply of eye of newt! This cycle’s witches to watch are Broom Hilda & Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Cho Chang & Glinda the Good. The teams will face “Demon Detours,” “Yellow Brick Roadblocks,” and “Hellpit Stops” which will test their sorcery skills, mystic mettle, and good old fashioned loyalty.

Keeping up with the Brandybucks

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Yep, even Hobbits crave fame, power, and face-time on national TV. In case you didn’t know: the Brandybuck clan is a well-established family from Middle Earth’s affluent Buckland. Because of their Fallohide lineage, the Brandybucks think they are better than the other half-men. Watch as Meriadoc “Merry” Brandybuck tokes up on westmansweed while dissing Frodo. Try to look away as Merry gallivants around with his stuck-up relations Berilac, Doderic, and insufferable third cousin Melilot, who is just recovering from a bitter divorce with Elrond.

House Hunters: Fairytale Land

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Some houses are too small. Some houses are too big. Some houses are just right. Watch as various fairytale characters seek out the perfect residence in all of Fairytale Land. A craftsman gingerbread house might be the ideal new digs for the right blind witch. Other house hunters seek something less kitschy and opt for a sensible condo made from straw. Of course, for those with deep pockets, only the most lavish castles will do. Will Prince Charming purchase a palace on short sale only to find that an infestation of fairies is turning his foundation into pixie dust? Let’s hope Hansel and Gretel crosscheck their potential new neighborhood with the Registered Hex Offenders database before signing on the dotted line!

Bonus: 16 and Pregnant and Also a Vampire

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We have Twilight to thank for the epidemic of pregnant teen vampires and this super popular MTV series is riding that tragic, magical wave. Try to look away as these undead, unfit mothers prep for the arrival of their hell spawn!


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Kristen Bobst

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world's foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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