There are a lot of objects out there that resemble penises.  Things like pencils, hot dogs, the Washington Monument and David Spade.  Some objects even get associated with penises just because of their inverse relationship to the size of the owner's package.  Things like pickup trucks, guns, and Costco-size packages of cheddar.  Why do boys get all the cool stuff associated with their genitals, and we’re stuck with flowers, oysters, and certain designer hand bags?  Well, don’t despair!  Below is a diagram of how the coolest weapon of, like, all time closely resembles the ENTIRE female reproductive system.  Take that, cucumbers!