This Week’s Shannonigans: DIY Projects

When you are a mom blogger everyone expects you to blog about Do It Yourself projects. Because I have so much free time I need to do things like make a chandeliers out of recycled popsicle sticks to keep myself from dying of boredom. Right?

ShanDIYa830
I HATE DIY Projects. Especially ones that involve my kid. First off, whenever I try to make something with my daughter all she wants to do is eat the glue, put the stickers in her hair, and the crayons in her ear. I always spend the rest of the day cleaning her up, on the phone with the pediatrician making sure she won’t die from eating glue, and then at the animal hospital making sure my dog’s irritable bowel syndrome doesn’t act up from eating a bag of glitter.

The main reason I hate Do It Yourself projects is because I have no interest in doing anything myself. I don’t care if buying disposable diapers and wipes costs more. I don’t want to make reusable wipes and diapers at home that get covered in poop and I then have to wash. I already spent 9 months of my life on an intense Do it Yourself Project. It’s called making a human being.

But in my year and a half of being a mom I have found one DIY project that I love and would like to share with you. It takes about one minute and is very useful.

DIY Birthday/Wedding/Christmas/ Toilet Bowl Plunger Appreciation Day and Miscellaneous Meaningless Holiday Card Project

1. Put your child in their play pen or crib. Getting them involved in this DIY Project will make things take longer and someone might end up in the emergency room.

2. Take out a piece of paper and scribble on it like an illiterate drunk. For extra authenticity bite, paint with an unknown substance, or vomit on the paper. This is your chance to let your creativity shine.

3. Write a translation of the scribbles in your own handwriting.

ShanDIYb830
And just like that you have your own DIY card. This project is perfect for when you forgot a relatives birthday and don’t have time to go to the store to get a real card. If they complain about not getting a real gift or card from you they are the bad person person because your 18 month old worked really hard to make this card. Who care if it’s covered in blood and looks like something made by Dexter? Your made something from their heart and that’s all that matters.

ShanDIYc830
The most important part of this DIY Project is to not feel guilty about lying to the recipient. You now have stretch marks, bags under your eyes, and have become immune to caffeine from overuse. Being able to use your child as a scapegoat when you forget to get someone a present is one of the few benefits of motherhood. Enjoy it.

And that’s been This Week’s Shannonigans!


AROUND THE INTERWEBS


Share This

About the author

Shannon Sutherland

Shannon Sutherland is a stand-up comedian turned stay at home mom turned mom blogger. After giving birth to her daughter she soon realized that motherhood is not as easy as it looks in the movies and spent most of her days getting covered in both baby and puppy poop, pee, and puke. Shannon started a blog as a way to document her daughter's growth and vent about the daily challenges of being a mom. Luckily, she discovered many other women share the same experiences as her and now enjoys sharing her journey with moms all over the world on her appropriately named blog PoopPeePuke.com. Shannon is originally from Kansas but now resides in New York City with her awesome husband, daughter, and dog. In her free time she likes to sleep, eat pancakes, and wait Shannon has no free time because she is a mom! That's alright though because motherhood rocks!

View all articles by Shannon Sutherland