What’s Inside Gloria Pritchett’s Makeup Bag?

Beauty secrets of the stars! Articles about how to look and feel as beautiful as the sexy characters on our TV screens are everywhere! But how much of these secrets actually come from the stars themselves? Well, we’ve “obtained” the makeup bags of a few TV characters who are always made up to look their best, even if it means taking extreme, and at times, shameful measures. We’re determined to reveal the real beauty tips — the secrets these ladies DON’T want you to know!

Style sleuth Lisa Wyczesany brings you her findings! 

Gloria Pritchett – Modern Family

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Someone as stunningly beautiful and curvaceous as Gloria Pritchett couldn’t possibly have any secrets to her natural, exotic beauty…right? Wrong! I dug through her Prada makeup bag and underneath all the lip-gloss, luminous mascara and “baby cheeses” was — dare I say — crumpled toilet paper! That’s right, turns out Gloria’s most glorified lady lumps come compliments of the porcelain god itself… BUSTed! This beauty secret, though discovered in my own bathroom circa sixth grade, still comes in handy to even the most glamorous of TV babes.

Chloe – Don’t Trust the B- in Apt. 23

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I’ll admit it, at first I was a hesitant to find out what bizarre personables would be in Chloe’s makeup bag, but after poking around and finding mostly blood red lipsticks and charcoal black eye liners, I realized that I’d have to dig a bit deeper. Tucked away in a hidden zipped compartment was a mass frenzy of latex rubbers! Way to go, Chloe (I think)! Strangely enough, her biggest beauty secret was a smart one… because nothing says, “I’m beautiful,” like being STD and morning sickness free.

Amy Farrah Fowler – The Big Bang Theory

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Not often would I seek beauty advice from a neurobiologist who prefers video chat to real human interaction and who wears menstrual pads all the time to avoid “surprises,” but behold, beauty does come in all shapes, sizes and IQs! Inside Amy’s stainless steel, Star Wars makeup box, I found seven different flavors of chapstick, contact lenses and — gasp —  a calculator!? Normally, I’d say contact lenses were the big beauty secret here (why not try them out, Amy?), but a genius know-it-all, secretly self-conscious about their accuracy? Now that’s hot.

Sarah O’Brien – Downton Abbey

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I was most anxious to discover what was in O’Brien’s makeup “bag” — well, it was more like a dirty table napkin tied with some twine, but for a career woman in 1920, that’s quite the fashion statement. Inside O’Brien’s makeup sack, I found a small lump of coal, a feather, and a whoopee cushion?! Of course! In a time when bare faces were the rage and only prostitutes ever really fashioned makeup, women had to get creative. For a Debbie Downer such as O’Brien, a whoopee cushion is just the thing to turn that servant frown upside down. What better way to keep your skin looking young than with some well deserved breaks of laughter!


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About the author

Lisa Wyczesany

Lisa was born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago where she developed an early admiration of deep dish pizza, sausage, and Da Bears. Shortly after graduating from DePaul University, she decided to pack up and drive across the country to live in LA with her boyfriend and his two friends - because that's what responsible, educated, sensible women do. When Lisa isn't writing & performing comedy, analyzing television shows, or attempting to stay in shape, she spends her time emailing her mother all the reasons why she should still love her. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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