Take the quiz!
Your boss’ business partner…
a.) Totally confiscated your copy of New Moon, wtf!
b.) Condones your boss’ sexual harassment.
c.) seems way more competent than your boss.
d.) was hated by everyone, and led to half of the employees leaving, and lost your big European client as a result.
In terms of physical upkeep, your boss…
a.) rocks the Connery look, and always wears the same hat.
b.) Is super hot, and always looking for “stay young” tricks.
c.) has a ‘stache that would make Magnum PI blush.
d.) maybe bathes once a week.
Your boss values…
a.) a good education. But not free speech.
b.) young women.
c.) Loyalty and long term planning.
Your boss’ “business trips”…
a.) Are abroad, for long stretches of time.
b.) Are to Vegas, with lots of “leisure activities”.
c.) Are generally made to lay off employees in other branches.
d.) Are visiting her Spanish hubby, who has a shady business venture she’s got the company into.
If you come back late from you lunch break, your boss…
a.) Acts understanding in front of others and then is a total dick in private.
b.) Will stick pins under your fingernails.
c.) Make you work late.
d.) Makes you do penance.
Your office dress code:
a.) Is traditional and conservative.
b.) Involves nudity.
c.) Is a nondescript uniform.
d.) Is very buttoned up.
a.) Relies heavily on a vast band of interns he recruited from his teaching days.
b.) Is literally draining the life out of you
c.) Has got the biggest ego, ever.
d.) Is not afraid of conflict, when it comes to a debate. And hates the Irish.
If you got mostly “A,” your boss is:
Ayatollah Khomeini! Your boss likes to put on airs about being morally superior. Like Khomeni with the White Revolution, he tricks the rest of the world into thinking he’s all progressive, only to be a total douche in the office, breaking his promises. “But you said I’d get health insurance after six months!” Both recruit loads of students, (Ayatollah got his from studying Islamic law) so underpaid interns abound. He’s always up in your business, enforcing a strict dress code, and burning books.
If you got mostly “B,” your boss is:
Erzabet Bathory of Hungary! Known as the Blood Countess and referred to as a “female dracula”, Hungarian hottie Erzabet was famous for both sexcapades and torturing young female servants in a most cruel way, bathing in their blood to maintain her youth. (You’re an assistant in the entertainment industry, aren’t you?) Don’t worry, Erzabet died at 54, and we’re sure that coke habit will free you from your boss sooner than later, too.
If you got mostly “C,” your boss is:
Josef Stalin! Your boss is the classic tyrant, talkin’ big, making Five Year plans, acting like he knows what’s up, and when his “genius” ideas don’t work out, he blames all of you. He’s got some smart people around him (like Trotsky), but in the end, if he doesn’t agree, he’s gonna do what he wants to do, even if it means laying off half the company on a whim. Just remember, all bosses are created equal. But some bosses are more equal than others.
If you got mostly “D,” your boss is:
Blood Mary! She was a super unpopular Catholic mama whose marriage to Prince Philip of Spain brought England into war with France, and her brief rule was marked by incredible carnage in her attempts to rid England of Protestantism. Your boss likes what she likes, and she don’t give a fuck about your opinion. If you’re on a diet when the company birthday cake comes along, guess what? Open wide, fatty, ’cause if you don’t plaster on a smile while carb loading, it’s your ass.