You Must Be Joking: Royal Wedding Madness


Perhaps, you are one of the people David Garden, Commercial Director for General Electric at GDHA, is thinking of when he says that their new William and Kate COMMEMORATIVE REFRIGERATOR was a “popular choice.”

Let’s just say that one more time.  Just for fun.

COMMEMORATIVE REFRIGERATOR.

“As expected,” Garden said in a statement about the new item,  “the royal wedding has really captured the U.K.’s imagination and it was no surprise that a William and Kate commemorative fridge was a popular choice. It certainly wipes the floor with your usual commemorative tea towels and mugs and is most definitely one of the most novel royal wedding products we have seen.”

Well, yes, David.  I imagine your creepy refrigerator with its LIFE-SIZED PORTRAIT of Will and Kate could beat a coffee mug up in a fight.  The coffee mug, however, comes with a slightly less chance that a family member/friend/significant other will have you committed when they see it in your kitchen.

Just saying.

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But lest we worry too much about the people shelling out their hard earned money for commemorative fridges, we’ve got the guy who is selling a jelly bean on Ebay that happens to look a bit like Kate Middleton with a starting bid of five hundred pounds.  That’s 860 bucks, for you American heathens out there.  For a mango flavored jelly bean.  A JELLY BEAN. AS IN ONE. SINGLE. JELLY. BEAN.

Dude.

royalweddingfridgePhoto Source: Time.comOf course, the girl who went on a hunger strike hoping for an invitation to the event, makes the jelly bean guy and the people who want to say, “Why hello Wills, hello Kate,” every morning when they reach for their oj look positively sane.

Yes, I said HUNGER STRIKE.  For a WEDDING INVITATION.  Some poor, crazy teenager in Mexico was on hunger strike for sixteen days before someone took pity on her and bought her a plane ticket to London.  Now she can at least stand outside Westminster and dream…. or at least she can until the looney bin comes and carts her away.

We can only wonder how much better off the whole world would have been if her good Samaritan hadn’t bought her a couple grand worth of college courses, instead of international airfare to attend an event she won’t even get close enough to see.

Last, but certainly not least in the crazy town hit parade, is Cameron Reilly, the 18-year-old Scots Guardsman (those guys with the red jackets and the crazy hats that guard the royal palace in London) who just got suspended for making hateful comments about his future queen.

But that’s not the crazy part.

The crazy part is where he decided to bitch about Kate Middleton not paying him enough personal attention (apparently, she had the gall to look the other way while driving past with the Prince and waving at the guards).  Facebook.

Yes. That’s right.  Apparently this guy hasn’t put together the part where Facebook is public. To the WHOLE FREAKING WORLD.

Of course, since he made a bunch of other seriously hateful (and not even a little bit funny) comments on his Facebook page, we can only be glad that he chose to overlook the fact that his royal bosses might notice when he CHOSE TO VERBALLY BITCH SLAP THE FUTURE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON FACEBOOK.  If anyone deserves to be fired for Facebook stupidity, it’s this guy.  Thanks Facebook.  Good work weeding out one more crazy guy with a gun before he actually hurt someone.

Wait. Did Facebook’s penchant for helping people make asses of themselves in professional situations just do the world a favor?  I think it did.

That’s it. The royal wedding has officially turned the world upside down and inside out… and we’ve still got three more days to go.

Hang on to your hats, comedivas.  Hang on to your hats.

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