Zynga Games that Didn’t Make the Cut

Zynga, everybody’s favorite evil corporation, makes some of the most popular mobile and Facebook apps in the history of social gaming. You’ve probably tried — or maybe are addicted to — some favorites like FarmVille or Words with Friends. While those wildly popular games are seemingly ubiquitous across platforms, there are a few Zynga games that never reached fruition, social games that were scrapped by the Zynga powers-that-be during development.

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Here are the top five questionable game pitches that just didn’t make the Zynga cut.

Dream Fungus

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Collect and breed the world’s most imaginative fungi in your very own customizable laboratory!  Earn points through experiments in order to purchase new mold strains.  Cross-pollinate your fungus with other mold-farmers’ saprophytes.  Strive to create epic spore genomes.  You can even expand your laboratory by acquiring petri dishes, Erlenmeyer flasks, and various decorative beakers!  Unlock secret mushrooms as you level up your lab!

Pioneer Snail

snailjourney_031612It’s Oregon Trail from a snail’s point of view!  Do whatever it takes to avoid getting run over by a wagon wheel, trampled by a stampede of renegade longhorns, or squished beneath an NPC who’s collapsing from dysentery.  Forage for food (and bonus points) in piles of buffalo chips, fresh human excrement, and rotting bovine carcasses.   Enjoy the grueling 3200 km trek one slimy centimeter at a time!

BrothelVille

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Recruit prostitutes and collect earnings from your call girls in your custom deigned bordello!  You get to choose the mood lighting, bedroom decorations, and colorful, creative costumes for your hos!  Crossbreed courtesans and rent-boys to make ambisexual streetwalkers of all shapes, sizes, colors, and proclivities!   Cultivate a following of Johns.  Gift condoms and sex toys to other pimps in-game.  Be sure to be aware of STDs and rashes of unwanted pregnancies that can wipe out your cathouse!

Zynga Strip Poker

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Due to Zynga Poker’s popularity, spinoff ideas were inevitable.   Zynga Strip Poker combines the traditional online card game with the utilization of webcams and smartphone cameras.  Players may bet clothing instead of coins.  For every game lost, the participant must upload a picture of himself or herself sans garment in order to continue playing the game.  It’s the Chatroullete of online gambling!

Words with Registered Sex Offenders

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Ever wanted to pit your wordsmith skills against the lexicons of dangerous sexual predators?  Words with Registered Sex Offenders makes it possible!  Signing in to the game connects you with a verified, guaranteed-perverted felon!  In this permutation of the word game, the dirtier the word, the more points you earn.   Be prepared for all kinds of deviant, unseemly, and just-plain-gross triple word scores!


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Kristen Bobst

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world's foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries. Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

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