Ever since the late 19th century, zombies have been misrepresented and undervalued in various courses of historical study. Despite their ambiguous low profile among anthropological research, they have had an enormous influence on the film industry, pop culture, and the latest breed of hipster-nerds.*
The following zombies are indisputably the most powerful and prominent figures in Zombie History.
While many spectators debate whether or not Frankenstein is indeed a zombie, he is included among this prestigious list because he was brought to life not through human reproduction, but by science. Unlike most zombies, Frankenstein possesses a sensitive and emotional layer, making him the ideal protagonist for Classic American Cinema. He also refrains from the consumption of humans, because, even though he wasn’t raised religious, he does try and keep kosher (just like any nice Jewish boy from Long Island — I mean Russia).
Many people are unaware of Michael Jackson’s zombie status, as all pop culture critics tend to focus on his nose. Jackson outed himself on December 2, 1983, when he released the hit music video: Thriller. Thriller was one of the most influential pop music videos of all time and was nominated for an Academy Award (alongside Fantasia). Unfortunately, Jackson continued to hide his zombie identity for years after this cinematic piece of gold was created, because, at the time, he was a practicing Jehovah’s Witness.
Kat (aka Jenna Jameson)
Kat (played by the renowned Jenna Jameson) was the heroine of the American masterpiece, Zombie Strippers. This film takes place in a Utopia where George W. Bush reigns over the public during his fourth term of presidency. Kat is known for her pole dancing moves that were refined after undergoing the transition from human to zombie. Jenna Jameson never fails to surprise us with her accomplished skill set.
Mostly known for his zombie-themed films, and his heavy metal band, called White Zombie, Rob Zombie is part of a rare breed that died out with the early ’90s. Although he is incognito these days, you can find him frequenting Comic-Con and promoting zombie rights and his zombie films.
While it is unconfirmed whether or not Lindsay Lohan is a zombie, I can think of no other logical reason for her public and private behavior. She continues to be reckless, violent, and mesmerizing to the paparazzi. And her skin is extremely pale (just like a dead person’s). Is it possible that all she really needs is a meal of brains to calm her crazy ways?
* Hipster-nerds are a new species that was formed after the blending of a socially awkward, highpants-wearing nerd with a pretentious, floral-print-wearing hipster. They are usually between the ages of 17 and 30, thhipsterey are obsessed with Jesse Eisenberg, and they tend to frown upon nerds and hipsters (as they have never been truly accepted by either group of people, despite the fact that they are made up of fifty percent nerd and fifty percent hipster).